For The Drifting 24

I once held many roles and travelled to countless places throughout my youth, but it wasn’t until I was no longer anyone that I realised just how majestic the sunset truly was on the rooftop of the home I had lived in for seven years.

Message:

"Let's go somewhere cheap for coffee. I have 3 million, lol."

"Sure. Lol. A cheap coffee date and you’re bringing 3 million?"

"Nope. That's all I've got to my name."

At the Coffee Shop

…

"So, what are you up to these days?"

"Just tutoring," I shrugged.

"3 million… But you’re already 24."

"Taking things as they come." I smiled politely.

On my way home, I let myself drift into thoughts. Like her, many of my loved ones are certain I’m deep in a quarter-life crisis: 24 years old, living with my parents, no steady job, and just 3 million at my disposal… I used to feel that same nagging worry, often feeling adrift. But gradually, I came to see this uncertainty not as a setback, but as life preparing me for what lies ahead.

Quarter-Life Crisis - An Essential Journey

A quarter-life crisis often occurs in young people between their mid-20s and early 30s. Some experience it earlier, while others might go through it later on. At this age, we’re captured by the rapid transformation of becoming adults and, boom, having to worry about the future. The quarter-life crisis is an emotional phenomenon, arising when we face life’s reality, and we feel lost about our identity (“Who am I?”), leading to a dip in confidence. This experience typically unfolds in four stages:

1. Feeling trapped in a commitment (relationships, housing, job, etc.)

2. Experiencing isolation after leaving that commitment

3. Self-reflection, leading to the discovery of new interests

4. Overcoming the crisis and finding a more fulfilling purpose in life

The first stage hits when we feel bogged down by the reality that doesn’t align with the clear career or happiness plans we once envisioned. The initial motivation, commitments and the opaque future becomes a reluctant anchor. The longer this stage lasts, the heavier the tension grows.

How can we tell if the job we're doing or the relationship we're in is right for us? In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell suggests we can rely on our instincts, especially from the beginning. The hesitation we feel right from the start can be a subtle indicator, and if this feeling intensifies over time, we may need to reconsider. However, Gladwell also emphasises that the longer we remain in this reality, the more attachments we form, potentially dulling our instincts and making it harder to break free. That’s why I think it’s essential to pause occasionally, listen to our hearts, and connect with ourselves.

After escaping that exhausting reality, we move into the second stage. Here, we might feel unanchored, unable to answer, “Who am I?” and often very lonely, as many of our connections lie in the past. This is the toughest emotional phase I experienced, as negative feelings crowded my mind. I frequently wondered if quitting was a sound decision or a moment of cowardice, and I questioned my abilities deeply.

Most people choose to spend time alone during this period to sort through their thoughts, and I did the same. Others seek comfort from trusted individuals, which can be helpful. However, it’s crucial to remember that those closest to us may be biased in our favour. Their words can reassure us but may also obscure the bigger picture. Additionally, impulsively clinging to a “lifeline” just to escape the past can deepen our wounds when reality strikes again.

Once the negative emotions subside, we can start reflecting on past experiences and plans to make adjustments. Then, we can explore new things to broaden our perspective. Through these experiences, we can better understand ourselves. For example, I discovered I’m quite adept at academic research and passionate enough to keep pushing through—even rewriting my thesis six times in the span of 1.5 years despite the challenges. I hadn’t realised this because I was fixated on one passion, which limited my worldview and understanding of myself. When our perspective expands, we can easily see the simple joys and unique happiness that we may have missed before. During this time, we can practise perceiving the world around us not only through our senses but also with our heart, gradually developing our capacity for empathy. Empathy helps us maintain emotional balance, making it easier to recover from future emotional challenges.

In the final stage of this crisis, we’ll find a new direction, emotionally prepared to start a new journey. We also know that more obstacles lie ahead, and a quarter-life crisis may resurface, but we now have the experience to overcome it.

24 Years Old – The Return

As someone prone to self-doubt and fluctuating emotions, it took me a long time to get through the second stage and even more time to heal and understand myself. I’ve moved through all four stages of this crisis, found a new direction, and am now starting over at nearly 24.

No one dictates that we must go to university at 18, graduate at 22, have hundreds of millions in the bank at 24, marry and have children before 30, and own a house and car before 40. These are unspoken social standards imposed on us, but even so, they don’t specify what to expect after 40 while waiting decades for retirement. Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Letting Go, points out that this framework is the root of a mid-life crisis—when we’ve achieved all the metrics of success but lack motivation to keep going. He adds that wealth, fame, social status, and success are superficial values. When these become the destination, we reach a dead end. Meaningful values, he argues, are practical, socially contributive, and self-adjustable without external dependence. I’ve spent time choosing practical values that I know will help me grow. No one knows what tomorrow holds; I only know that today, I am a better version of myself than yesterday. At 24, I know I am a good person, and that is enough.

Final words

We’re much like pieces of coloured glass scattered on a beach. Life’s crises are like waves crashing ashore, leaving us battered and bruised. Yet, if we stand strong and trust ourselves not to be swept away, we’ll one day emerge as enduring stones—brilliantly beautiful, shaped by the very forces that once threatened to wear us down.

Refernces

[1] Brigham, T. (2021). Managing A Quarter Life Crisis In The Midst Of A Crisis. Forbes. https://goolnk.com/LjWkjJ

[2] Zilca, R. (2016). Why Your Late Twenties Is the Worst Time of Your Life. Harvard Business Review. https://goolnk.com/3dGVdX

[3] Gladwell, M. (2005). Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. London: Penguin Books.

[4] Manson, M. (2016). The subtle art of letting go: A counterintuitive approach to living a good life. Harper One.